The au pair program thrives on mutual trust, open communication, and a shared desire for cultural exchange. While both au pairs and host families come into the experience with good intentions, misunderstandings can happen if expectations aren’t clearly set.
To ensure a smooth and enriching partnership, both sides should follow certain principles that support harmony, respect, and collaboration. In this article, we present the 7 most important rules for a successful au pair relationship—for both candidates and families.
1. Clear Expectations from the Start
Nothing is more important than clarity. Before the au pair even arrives, both parties should openly discuss:
-
Daily responsibilities
-
Working hours
-
Free time and weekends off
-
Rules regarding curfews, visitors, and privacy
Put everything in writing—ideally in a welcome letter or mutual agreement. This helps avoid misunderstandings and provides a reference if questions arise later.
2. Open and Honest Communication
Healthy communication is the foundation of every good relationship. Whether it’s a small issue or a bigger concern, both sides should feel comfortable expressing themselves.
-
Schedule weekly check-ins to talk about how things are going
-
Encourage constructive feedback
-
Be respectful even when opinions differ
Remember: it’s better to talk early than to let small frustrations grow into big problems.
3. Respect for Cultural Differences
An au pair is not just a caregiver—they are a guest from another country, with their own customs, habits, and traditions.
-
Be open-minded and curious
-
Celebrate cultural differences together
-
Don’t expect the other side to immediately “adapt”—mutual adjustment is key
Cultural exchange goes both ways, and it can be one of the most rewarding aspects of the program.
4. Balanced Responsibilities
Au pairs should help with childcare and light household duties—but they are not full-time nannies or maids.
Families should:
-
Follow the legal working hour limits (usually 25–30 hours/week)
-
Provide rest days and holidays as agreed
-
Avoid overloading the au pair with unrelated tasks
On the other hand, au pairs should respect the family’s routines, be responsible, and follow through on agreed tasks.
5. Inclusion as a Family Member
For the au pair, feeling like “part of the family” makes all the difference. Small gestures can build strong bonds:
-
Invite them to join family meals and activities
-
Include them in celebrations or outings
-
Show appreciation for their help and presence
When au pairs feel welcomed, they’re more likely to give their best and build a deeper connection with the family.
6. Support for Personal Development
Being an au pair is not only about working—it’s about learning, growing, and experiencing a new culture.
Families should support their au pair’s:
-
Language learning
-
Social life and connections with other au pairs
-
Personal projects or interests
Likewise, au pairs should take initiative to explore, integrate, and make the most of their time abroad.
7. Flexibility and Patience
Like any relationship, the au pair-family dynamic takes time to build. The first few weeks can be challenging—due to language barriers, homesickness, or adapting to new routines.
Both sides should:
-
Be patient during the adjustment period
-
Offer emotional support
-
Stay flexible when unexpected situations arise
Growth happens outside of your comfort zone—together, you’ll find your rhythm.
Final Thoughts: Build the Relationship, Not Just the Routine
The best au pair experiences are based on more than just childcare schedules and house rules—they’re based on human connection. When both the au pair and the host family invest in the relationship with empathy, clarity, and mutual respect, they create an unforgettable journey of learning, laughter, and shared memories.
English 
Español 
Italiano 
Deutsch